Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Beyond Expectations

It’s certainly not how I pictured things would turn out….we’ve been talking about this trip for 2 years, imagining and pondering all the amazing places we would see, the people we would meet, the experiences, the food, the scenery, it was set to be the trip of a lifetime. Isn’t it funny how you can build something up so much in your mind that when it doesn’t turn out that way you find yourself feeling completely deflated, almost depressed. Although I have learned (obviously not well enough) that things usually never go to plan, I still managed to hold onto an idealistic image in my mind of how everything ‘should’ have worked out – after all, we had prepared and planned almost every detail, we stepped way outside our comfort zone and sold most of what we owned to do this, it damn well should have gone to plan! Of all people, I certainly know how the word ‘should’ can really get you into trouble. Just when I thought I had let go of all expectations and was going to ride with the wind, free as a bird, all I found was that I was still completely bound by wanting to control how things turned out, desperately wanting to start this adventure that we had been dreaming about for a long time. Little did I know, that the pain of adversity before me was part of this adventure and a big part of becoming free to soar.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard a guy called Rob Bell speak at Greenbelt – a very alternative Christian arts festival. He shared his thoughts on the connection between suffering and creativity. He said this:

We plot, we plan, we assume things are going to go acertain way and then they don’t and we find ourselves
in a new place, a place we haven’t been before, a place
we never would have imagined on our own,

And so it was difficult and unexpected and maybe even
tragic and yet it opened us up and freed us to see
things in a whole new way

Suffering does that—
It hurts,
But it also creates.

How many of the most significant moments in your
life came not because it all went right, but because
It all fell apart?

It’s strange how there can be art in the agony…

Isn’t it amazing how life and all it throws at you presents a choice – you can let the hardships make you bitter and twisted (which I think I did for a while), or you can allow them to make you a better person, to create those memories that despite being painful at the time, are rich and meaningful when looked upon in hindsight. Not to say, that one should not experience the raw emotion that pain and hardship inevitably brings.

However, I know now, that the delays, the frustrations, the interruptions we are experiencing and have experienced over the last few months are a part of our story and although this part is not necessarily that exciting, we will be better people as a result and probably appreciate each moment of our trip so much more.

Sal :-)


Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure this doesn't help, but we're glad that you are stuck here at the moment! Ruth x

Anonymous said...

i know and understand where you are at the moment sal. have lived that difficult moment where you chose to either stay there and feel sorry for yourself or you take one day { at times hour) at a time to move forward . it really does build your character . wouldnt be the person i am today without that life changing ( or destroying ] time 5 years ago . so hang in there my inspirational sister . love you and admire you greatly . love always your big sis xoxoo

Anonymous said...

Loved the post Sal! And glad you enjoyed Greenbelt. I last went in 1987! Gee, I'm old! We think of you often even though we're lousy at staying in touch. If you want somewhere to stay closer to London, let us know and we'll talk to some of our friends 'down south'.
We're both well and looking forward to summer.
God Bless, love Carla & Andrew x

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